A Look Back - July 2011

In June 2011, John and I made a big decision. A really big decision. One that would change our lives forever. We decided to start trying to get pregnant. Whoa! A baby. So much responsibility. So much change. But so worth it.

We had been married for 2 years and it really had been fantastic. More than I could have ever hoped or dreamed for. I couldn't have asked for a better husband than John. God hand picked John for me. He's patient in the midst of my craziness. He's calm in the midst of my chaos. He's gentle and humble and an amazing servant. It blows my mind how much he loves me and how he not only tells me, but shows me his love every single day.

I knew from the very beginning that he was going to make a wonderful father. I mean, he has 7 younger siblings, for goodness sake! He most definitely has more baby experience than I do. And I'm so thankful for that. I'm so thankful for his loving heart and his desire to start a family.

We've been talking about having a family since we got married. We both want children and are excited at the thought of becoming parents. The past few years have given us time to be together, to learn how to be husband and wife together, to dream together and to ground our marriage firmly upon the Lord. We really needed the past few years. For us.

And now we were looking ahead, excited with anticipation, nervous about the reality of bringing a baby into the world. My, there were a ton of emotions. But mostly, I just wondered if the Lord would choose to bless us with a bundle of joy.

I won't get into all the details of what happened in July...I'm sure you can figure it out on your own. However, I will say that we didn't spend the whole month of July in the bedroom. I mean, I still had to go to work. :) j/k. During the month, we also hosted a good friend of mine, Brodie, from Rhode Island. It was so special to see her since she was about to move to Haiti and we weren't sure how long it would be until we got to see each other again. (It turned out just a few months, but we're not quite there yet in the story.)

As the end of July drew near, the nerves started setting in. I've heard so many stories where it has taken months, even years for some couples to get pregnant...and I knew it would be unlikely for us to conceive in the first month, but I was still nervous. And then the day came to take the test.

I got home from work and tried to act normal...no big deal...everything is fine...I'm just going to go to the bathroom, pee on a stick, and wait to see if my life is about to change. Those 3 minutes of waiting are like the longest 3 minutes I have ever experienced. John came in to read the results with me...

...not pregnant...

I used the digital test so that is exactly what we saw in the little window...not pregnant. It was sad. I wasn't sure what it would feel like, but I can definitely say I felt sad. July would not be the month. I know John felt sad too, but I think he quickly realized what this really meant...another month of trying.